my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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