Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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