If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
