Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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