They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
