Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
