ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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