first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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