8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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