Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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