hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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