Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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