Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize