you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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