I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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