You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
