oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
