Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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