either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
