But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
