what day is it and did you see me today?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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