There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
