I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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