Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize