did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
