I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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