i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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