I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
