I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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