We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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