I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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