I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
