i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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