I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
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i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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