Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you had me at cake vodka
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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