i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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