I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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