and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
