Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just invented taco cereal.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm at about main and main street
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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