So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
