I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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