I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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