it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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