dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
