I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
