I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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