Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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