I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize