just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
