Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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