oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't turn off my feet"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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