Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
