im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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