I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
try to milk me bitch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
